What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 08:57
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I have no regrets .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Where can Ukrainians go if they cannot have shelter and heating this winter?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Which race of women are the hottest?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I waited trembling.
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One cannot live in the past .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Can one still satisfy the desires of Black women with a more discreet endowment?"?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
How do you weigh in on the Vance-couch conversation?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why did lobsters evolve bright colors if they are neither poisonous nor venomous?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What’s wrong with anti-imperialism?
I said to her
I will be 64.
We were not on the streets..
Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Would this be the day?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was scared of men, in general
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She married twice! .
This is soul school!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My family never makes their pension either.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was 9 years of age.
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My life is so biszare .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was seconnd youngest,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When she asked me how she looked .
As i do to all so called friends.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He knew the spot.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I write beautiful poetry .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was very sick at this time too.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Who then, do I blame.?
I think the readers, may guess!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
All the time i was locked up.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
It was going to be , some day.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What did i know ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But, we were locked up after school.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She found it foreign!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Especially a lifetime of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was in good health!
We all went to grammer schools
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She wouldn,t have been !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Put me off passion for life!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Comes on , in middle age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.